Permission to complain

For those of you who have read this blog over the last few years, you may recall having children was not an easy journey for my husband and I. We have now been blessed twice (with serious help from amazing medical staff), having been told we didn't even qualify for ivf our case was so hopeless. 
But getting pregnant is of course only a tiny step on a now lifelong journey of commitment. It is a blessing that we never take for granted. But that doesn't mean it isn't sometimes a strain to remember it's a blessing: maybe when I am up for the third time in 6 hours, or have wet themselves on a play date, again. Perhaps when I haven't showered for 5 days, or I get home to discover my already fairly useless feeding bra has been unhooked all afternoon. 
Complaining about parent hood is an easy thing to do. Or at least we might think it is. Having been on a long ivf journey however, it can feel like we aren't allowed to really feel the desperation and depression that these incredible, funny, sunshine bundles of blessings bring with them. While many parents laugh about the stresses and strains, for others (both those who have been through ivf and those who haven't) complaining can feel like a betrayal, or ingratitude... How can we moan about blessings? 
Parenthood is hard. But maybe blessings aren't meant to be easy. Struggle can mean growth, for us and for them, we can be learning from each other, even when we think we are getting it all wrong, and just because things are hard now, doesn't mean they always will be (everything is a phase!) I was reminded recently by a wise Anglican Priest that just because we had to fight to have babies, doesn't mean we shouldn't be allowed to feel desperate when sleep deprived, or complain at how tough it can be. Remembering we are blessed, in whatever part of our life it is, doesn't mean we can't also acknowledge the struggle and negative aspects blessings can bring- perhaps we need both- perhaps we just need permission to feel both from time to time. So to the many of you who have put up with me feeling the desperation of late, and given me permission to be there, and offered your own support and acknowledgement - thank you! 
Oldest child is obsessed with packing bags... Doesn't really matter what with (in this case musical instruments to go on holiday). Drives me absolutely nuts!


  1. Rebbi Debbie:
    You're absolutely right! Many of our blessings include complaints. Many of our mitzvot add more burdens to our lives than ease, so indeed the greatness is to learn how to live happily with our appreciation AND our kvetching. They go together! Love Raya

  2. If you're not getting enough sleep it will all be harder to deal with. Can someone take over now and again to let you get some unbroken sleep? I hope hubby is pulling his weight, it takes a minimum of 2 people to bring children up if mum is going to retain health & sanity.


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